Bang to Rights

Occasionally the language used in witness statements leads one to suspect that the police officer taking it down has imposed his own literary style on the work. I did see one though, many years back, where the officer had meticulously recorded the words of the interviewee, so much so that the flavour of the conversation shone through.

Roger was helping the police with their enquiries (now whatever happened to that phrase? It seems to have gone the way of blunt instruments) and when officers asked him to open the boot of his car they found a considerable quantity of the very stolen goods that they were looking for. The conversation was recorded as:-

Roger: "Oh. Fuck me. Look at that". PC: "Is that your property?" Roger: "Course it ain't. You know what it is. Just my fucking luck, ain't it?" PC: Did you steal them?" Roger: "Nah. I'm only the driver. Talk about unlucky. D'you know, if I fell in a barrel of tits I'd come out sucking me thumb".