The Magistrate's Blog (2005-2012)

This blog has migrated to www.magistratesblog.blogspot.co.uk This blog is anonymous, and Bystander's views are his and his alone. Where his views differ from the letter of the law, he will enforce the letter of the law because that is what he has sworn to do. If you think that you can identify a particular case from one of the posts you are wrong. Enough facts are changed to preserve the truth of the tale but to disguise its exact source.

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Location: Near London, United Kingdom

The blog is written by a retired JP, with over 30 years' experience on the Bench.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

I Can't Wait

I read that new laws are about to criminalise clairvoyants who fail to note on their advertisements that their services 'are not subject to scientific proof' or some such.

I can't wait to see my first case.

"Madame Arcati, you have been convicted of preying upon stupid and gullible people by purporting to see into the future, and to communicate with the dead, without warning them in writing that your art is tosh".
"But Sir, that's what we of the spiritual trade have been doing for centuries. Surely the stupid and gullible should be allowed their illusions?"
"And another thing, Sir: If I am to be punished for this, what about the Vicar? He can't prove his claims any more then poor little I can. What about wrinkle cream makers? What about 72 virgins? Or those gadgets that make your car do 77 mpg, and all for twenty quid? It's not fair, sir, it ain't".

"That's quite enough. Clerk of the court, pass me the crystal ball. Thank you."
"Madame Arcati, the ball is clearing....clearing, I see something blue, something blue....yes, in a pointed hat. Clear enough then, six months it is. Take her down officers. Stop snivelling, you wicked old woman. You of all people should have seen this coming".

"We'll take a break now, Madam Clerk. I suppose a biscuit is out of the question?"