The Magistrate's Blog (2005-2012)

This blog has migrated to www.magistratesblog.blogspot.co.uk This blog is anonymous, and Bystander's views are his and his alone. Where his views differ from the letter of the law, he will enforce the letter of the law because that is what he has sworn to do. If you think that you can identify a particular case from one of the posts you are wrong. Enough facts are changed to preserve the truth of the tale but to disguise its exact source.

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Location: Near London, United Kingdom

The blog is written by a retired JP, with over 30 years' experience on the Bench.

Monday, December 13, 2010

Judge Not Lest Ye Be Judged

This rather pathetic neighbour dispute is the sort of thing that any magistrate will be familiar with.
Unfortunately for the Circuit Judge concerned, her job has pushed the story into the headlines. In the same way any small incident involving me could easily escalate into "JP in neighbour From Hell Row" when nobody would be interested in the story without the JP angle.

A long time ago I was a guest, in my business capacity, at a cricket club's annual dinner. The meal was followed by an 'exotic cabaret'. The current Australian tourists were present, and when the 'cabaret' started matters became raucous. I shall draw a veil over what happened next, but as one of the dancers became rather involved with a man from the audience I felt my survival instinct kicking in. "The JP, the Aussies, and The Strippers" is not a headline that I fancy being involved in, so I made my excuses and left for the bar, where I nursed a serious and solitary gin and tonic while matters took their course.

Years have passed, and my strongest recollection is of Merv Hughes calling out to the black dancer: "Come on darling, show us your pink bits".