If You Can't Take A Joke Stay Out Of The Kitchen

I was nearly on the radio this evening. I was phoned up this afternoon while I was sweeping the leaves from my lawn and asked to take part in a current affairs show tonight. I have done quite a few of these, so I said yes. Producers prefer studio quality sound to the vagaries of the phone network so I agreed to go to a studio that is about 20 minutes' drive from my house. On arriving I discovered that momentous breaking news meant that the piece had been dropped, so home I came. In the past I have found myself leaving the house at 6 a.m., keys in hand, ready to drive to a studio, to get a call on my mobile saying that a big story has just broken, so sorry..... The main thing that broadcasting has in common with being a JP is that you get buggered about quite often, but there's no point in complaining because it's part of the deal in both cases.
I shall never forget the frisson that I felt one day as I sat in a small regional studio at 7.15 a.m., headphones clamped on, mike in front of me, ready to talk about the victim surcharge, when the producer came on: "two minutes, then you are next. By the way, it's John Humphrys". Since you ask, he was a pussycat.