Ahhhh -poor love!

Just as Tom Lehrer declared that satire died when Henry Kissinger was given the Nobel Peace Prize, I have to add my five-penn'orth: Jeremy Clarkson has redefined 'hurt'.

In an interview, Clarkson said that he was "hurt" after he discovered that Collins, a racing driver, had been writing a book detailing his seven years as Top Gear's mythical character.

The Top Gear presenter said: "it was a shock. It was horrible, actually, because I liked him. He came round to my house and had drinks, and all the time he was writing a book, so I feel a bit hurt really."

This from the uber-yob who has piled up millions from massaging the adolescent fantasies of petrolheads of all ages, and written a book or two in the process.

Collins seems to be looking to make a few quid out of his anonymised fame (be fair - would you seek réclame while swathed from head to foot in Nomex overalls)?

Jeremy - if the hurt becomes too much to bear, spend ten minutes with your bank statements, count up your houses, and try not to begrudge a minor player's attempt to accrue a fraction of your fortune.