Apocrypha (8)

From the indispensible Chase me ladies one of those stories that just might be true...

A Glaswegian thief was apprehended by 'ra polis' on Sauchiehall St and dragged painfully by the head all the way round the corner into Bath St before the bobby formally arrested him. "Whit ye dae that for??" the mystified crook asked.
"Coz I cannae spell 'Sauchiehall', ya thievin' c*nt"

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Perhaps more reliable is a story that I was told by a doctor friend of mine. A woman in her late teens went to see him, and announced "Doctor, I fink I'm pregnant". He examined her and concluded that she was likely to be correct. He started to fill in the usual forms. After a while he got to:- "When do you think this happened?" "Not sure." "Who is the father?" "I dunno". "Well, what colour was he?"

My friend was floored by the reply.

"Nah- I dunno. He never took his crash helmet off, see?"