The Magistrate's Blog (2005-2012)

This blog has migrated to www.magistratesblog.blogspot.co.uk This blog is anonymous, and Bystander's views are his and his alone. Where his views differ from the letter of the law, he will enforce the letter of the law because that is what he has sworn to do. If you think that you can identify a particular case from one of the posts you are wrong. Enough facts are changed to preserve the truth of the tale but to disguise its exact source.

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Location: Near London, United Kingdom

The blog is written by a retired JP, with over 30 years' experience on the Bench.

Monday, May 22, 2006

Tip For Murderers

The BBC reports that the latest wheeze from the Home Office is to give the relatives of victims a say in deciding when to release a prisoner on licence.

So here are two Top Tips for those of you contemplating a murder:-

1) Be sure to pick a victim from a family of Quakers or the like, as they are likely to be be more forgiving. Have a word with their newsagent, and if they are Sun or Mail readers, forget it and murder someone else.

2) A couple of years in to the sentence tell the Padre that you want to tell the family how sorry you are and how you feel their pain. Get into the creative writing class so that you can lay it on thick. Could be good for ten years off.

Remember, you saw it here first.